There’s a moment many of us dread. Not because we’re afraid of what we’ll say—but because we’re afraid of how it will be received.
That moment when we look at our mum, doing everything she can to hold it together while caring for our dad—and we realise she can’t do it all anymore.
And we know it’s time to talk about getting care support.
It’s a conversation filled with love, fear, guilt, and vulnerability. But it’s also a conversation filled with hope.
The Unspoken Weight on Her Shoulders
Caring for someone with early signs of dementia isn’t just about practical tasks like cooking, cleaning, or helping with medication. It’s about the constant emotional labour. The watchfulness. The worry. The quiet grieving that starts before any formal diagnosis.
If your dad is showing signs of cognitive decline, and your mum is his main caregiver, chances are she’s pouring everything she has into helping him—and leaving nothing for herself. It might look like short temper, forgetting things herself, or simply brushing off any offers of help.
But behind all that? Often, a fear of letting go. Of failing the person she’s always stood beside. Of what it means to say, “I need help.”
That’s why this conversation isn’t just about logistics. It’s about honouring her love, her effort, and her identity—while offering her relief.
Why It’s OK to Intervene
We often think we shouldn’t meddle. That it’s not our place. But what if being a loving daughter means being brave enough to start hard conversations?
This isn’t about criticism. It’s about care support—for both your parents. And it’s about recognising that your mum isn’t just a wife or carer. She’s also still herself—a woman who deserves rest, compassion, and freedom from burnout.
Stepping in doesn’t mean stepping over her. It means standing with her.
Start With Empathy, Not Advice
Before you mention care support, start with connection. Choose a quiet time where you can talk without interruptions.
You might begin with:
“Mum, I’ve been watching how much you do for Dad, and I just want to say—I see it. I see how much love you’re pouring into every day. But I also see how tired you’re becoming.”
Or:
“You’ve always been the strong one, but even the strongest people need backup sometimes.”
This isn’t the time for facts, figures, or solutions. It’s a time for listening. Let her speak. Let her cry if she needs to. Let silence sit between you without rushing to fill it.
When she’s ready, gently shift the conversation.
Framing Care Support as an Act of Love
One of the biggest fears for spouses is that accepting outside help means they’ve failed somehow. That they’re giving up.
But care support doesn’t mean giving up—it means continuing with strength. It means allowing someone else to help carry the load so they can still be a wife, not just a carer.
You might say:
“This isn’t about replacing you, Mum. It’s about making sure you’re not doing this alone.”
“Imagine if someone could take over just a few things—so you had time for yourself again, or even just a full night’s sleep without worry.”
“Dad deserves the best care—and so do you.”
What Care Support Could Look Like
Care support doesn’t always mean full-time carers or dramatic changes. It can start small:
- A few hours a week of professional home care
- Respite care so she can take a break
- Help with medication or hygiene tasks that feel overwhelming
- Companionship visits that give both of them breathing space
It can even include emotional support for her—from local carer groups or counselling services.
The key is helping her see that this isn’t loss of control. It’s a way to regain some of her life.
Reassure Her That She’s Still Needed
One of the hidden fears for many carers is: What am I if I’m not doing everything?
Make sure your mum knows that care support doesn’t replace her role—it strengthens it. She’ll still be there for the moments that matter most. Still his wife. Still herself.
“This isn’t about someone else taking over. It’s about making sure you’re still standing when Dad needs you most.”
Moving Forward, Together
Once she’s open to the idea, offer to help research options. Make calls with her. Arrange a free care assessment if it’s available in your area. Start with trial support, if that feels more manageable.
And keep checking in. This isn’t a one-time talk—it’s a shift in how your family supports one another.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
While we’ve written this blog with mums caring for dads in mind, we know it can just as easily be the other way around. Many husbands are quietly carrying the same emotional and physical load while supporting their partners. Whatever your family situation looks like, the need for care support—and compassion—remains the same.
If your parents live in Kent or the surrounding areas, Care in Kent offers discreet, compassionate home care services designed to support both the person in need of care and the one doing the caring. From short visits to full care plans, we’ll help your family find balance again.
Ready to talk to someone about getting care support?
📞 Call our friendly team today or visit our contact page to find out more.