There’s a quiet kind of heartbreak that happens when someone we love begins to disappear—not all at once, but little by little. And when the person trying to hold it all together is your mum or dad—their spouse, their best friend, their constant—it can be hard to know how to help.
You want to fix it, to make it easier, to lighten the load. But where do you even start?
Supporting a parent who’s caring for a partner with dementia is about more than practical help. It’s about empathy. Permission. And presence. And sometimes, it’s about saying, “You don’t have to do this alone.”
Watching Someone You Love Carry Too Much
Dementia is rarely a straight line. Some days are lucid and hopeful. Others are foggy, repetitive, even frightening. And for the spouse—the one still holding hands through it all—it’s a slow grief wrapped in loyalty.
Your parent might not ask for help. They might not even admit they need it. But if you’ve noticed signs of overwhelm—forgetting their own appointments, losing weight, snapping at small things, saying “I’m fine” through gritted teeth—it’s time to gently step in.
This isn’t about taking over. It’s about walking beside them.
Start By Really Listening
Sometimes the best support you can offer is space to talk—without judgement, without solutions, without “you shoulds.”
Try questions like:
“How are you really doing, Mum?”
“What’s the hardest part right now, Dad?”
“Do you ever wish someone could help carry the weight?”
Let them share the messy bits. Let them cry. Let them say things they might not have said out loud before. Often, the first step to accepting care support is being able to name what feels unmanageable.
Offer Care Support Without Making It Feel Like Failure
One of the deepest fears carers hold is that needing help means they’ve failed. That they’re giving up on their partner. That no one else could understand them the way they do.
This feeling of guilt can be difficult to deal with, but accepting care support isn’t failure. It’s wisdom. It’s love that lasts.
Reassure your parent that help doesn’t mean handing everything over. It might mean:
- Someone coming in once a week to help with hygiene routines
- A respite carer giving them a few hours off
- A dementia care specialist offering structure and consistency
- Or simply having a companion around so they can rest or reconnect with themselves
Care support adds to what they already do—not replaces it.
Be Specific in Your Offers of Help
“Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but rarely helpful.
Instead, try:
- “I’ve found a local dementia care service that does free assessments—want me to set up a call?”
- “How about I stay with Dad on Saturday morning so you can go for a walk?”
- “Would you be open to someone coming in once or twice a week to take care of the more personal tasks?”
Practical, bite-sized support can feel more manageable than vague, sweeping change.
Watch for Carer Burnout
Even the most devoted partners can burn out. The signs might not be dramatic—but they’re there.
Look out for:
- Extreme tiredness or sleep issues
- Emotional numbness or irritability
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Physical health issues of their own
- Statements like “There’s no point” or “I’m the only one who can do this”
Burnout isn’t weakness. It’s what happens when love stretches too far, for too long, without rest.
You might say:
“I see how much you’re doing, and I know you’re doing it all out of love. But I worry about you, too. You deserve care as much as Dad/Mum does.”
Help Them Stay Connected to Themselves
When someone becomes a full-time carer, their own identity can start to disappear.
Help your parent find little ways back to themselves:
- Encourage them to keep a hobby, even for 10 minutes a day
- Offer to take over for a few hours so they can meet a friend
- Signpost them to carer support groups or counselling
- Remind them they’re still a person, not just a caregiver
These small reminders can make a big difference in preserving their wellbeing—and their resilience.
Bring In Professional Care Support
Eventually, there may come a time when professional care support becomes not just helpful, but essential. That doesn’t mean your parent is giving up. It means they’re allowing others to help their loved one thrive, safely and compassionately.
Whether it’s in-home dementia care, respite services, or full-time support, there are professionals trained not only in care—but in empathy.
You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone
At Care in Kent, we understand how heavy it can feel to watch someone you love carry the weight of caregiving. Our tailored care support services offer practical help, emotional support, and real relief—for both the person living with dementia and the partner who’s been by their side every step of the way.
📞 Let’s talk about how we can support your parent and their partner.
Contact us here or call today for a compassionate, no-obligation chat.