When someone we love is diagnosed with a form of dementia such as Alzheimer’s, it’s devastating for so many reasons. Not least, of course, because we know there’s currently no cure for this progressive disease — and that we’ll have to face the heartbreak of losing parts of the mind and personality of the person we love while they’re still here with us.
One of the most distressing and confusing symptoms families face is Alzheimer’s hitting out — when a loved one lashes out physically or verbally. It’s important to understand that this behaviour is not who they truly are, but a symptom of the illness itself.
The damage caused to the brain by Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia can drastically affect a person’s temperament and behaviour. Someone who has spent a lifetime being kind and gentle may suddenly seem angry, frightened, or aggressive.
People living with dementia might hit out when they feel frustrated by their inability to communicate, when they’re confused, or when they’re in pain or discomfort. An aggressive outburst from someone who is scared and disoriented can be deeply upsetting for families — especially if you’re not a professional caregiver and are simply doing your best to care for someone you love.
If your instinct is to argue or shout back, you’re not alone — it’s a natural emotional response. But reacting in anger will often make an already distressing situation worse. Below, we share some practical and compassionate tips to help you manage Alzheimer’s hitting out episodes and support your loved one with calm and understanding.
Be Prepared and Change Your Mindset
If a loved one with Alzheimer’s is hitting out or being verbally abusive, the first thing to remember is that it’s not personal.
It’s painful to be on the receiving end of aggression from someone you love, but try to remind yourself that this is the behaviour of a sick person, not a cruel person.
Aggressive outbursts are a normal symptom of dementia. Understanding that can help you respond with patience rather than panic.
These moments can be shocking and hurtful, but they are the result of an illness — not a reflection of who your loved one really is or how they feel about you.
Try to Identify Triggers
Most episodes of Alzheimer’s hitting out are triggered by fear, frustration, or physical pain.
For instance, someone might shout or demand that people “get out” — even if there’s no one there. They might be reacting to shadows or dim lighting that make them believe someone is hiding nearby. Imagine how terrifying that must feel.
By identifying and removing triggers — such as improving lighting or reducing unfamiliar noises — you can help prevent future outbursts.
Similarly, approaching a person from behind without warning can startle them. They may instinctively lash out in what they perceive as self-defence. Try to approach your loved one calmly, from the front, and speak softly to announce your presence.
Check Whether They’re in Pain
Someone in the later stages of dementia may not be able to tell you when they’re hurting. Pain and discomfort are common causes of Alzheimer’s hitting out, particularly if your loved one is struggling to communicate.
If they live with arthritis or another chronic condition, check whether they need medication. Ensure they’re sitting comfortably, not too hot or cold, and have been to the toilet. Small physical discomforts can easily escalate into frustration and aggression if they can’t express what’s wrong.
Be Gentle and Reassuring
When dealing with Alzheimer’s hitting out, maintaining a calm and gentle approach can make all the difference.
Speak softly, use reassuring tones, and keep your body language open. Although your loved one is an adult who deserves full respect and dignity, gentle reassurance — much like how we might comfort a frightened child — can help soothe them.
If you become visibly upset or start to argue, it can escalate the situation and lead to even more aggression. Staying calm and steady, even when it’s hard, can often help bring your loved one back to a state of calm too.
Keep the Environment Calm
A noisy or overstimulating environment can trigger episodes of Alzheimer’s hitting out.
If your loved one becomes agitated, check their surroundings. Is the TV too loud? Are several people talking at once? Is there too much movement or clutter?
Creating a calm, quiet, and familiar environment can help prevent outbursts before they begin. Something as simple as turning down background noise or dimming bright lights can make a big difference.
Use Music to Soothe and Redirect
Music can have an incredible effect on people living with Alzheimer’s. Playing your loved one’s favourite songs or music from their younger years can help shift their focus away from distress and towards something comforting and familiar.
Even when memory fades, musical memories often remain strong. Singing or gently swaying along to music can help release tension and reduce frustration — a simple yet powerful way to manage Alzheimer’s hitting out moments.
Validate Their Feelings
Everyone wants to feel heard and understood — and that’s still true for someone living with dementia.
Sometimes hitting out happens because your loved one is trying to express loneliness, fear, or sadness, and doesn’t have the words to do so.
Instead of dismissing their behaviour, try to validate their feelings:
“I can see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel that way. I’m here to help you.”
Small gestures of empathy can go a long way in helping them feel safe and cared for.
Remember — You’re Not Alone
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is one of the hardest and most emotional journeys you can take. It’s exhausting, heartbreaking, and at times, frightening — but also full of moments of love and connection.
Our elderly loved ones have been our teachers, our carers, our protectors. When the time comes to give that care back, it’s only natural to feel overwhelmed. But support is available.
At Care in Kent, we are highly skilled in dementia care and Alzheimer’s care. Our compassionate team offers a wide range of at-home care services — from respite care to companionship and everyday assistance — to help your loved one live safely and comfortably at home.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed thinking about how to support your parent, the first step doesn’t have to be complicated. At Care in Kent, we offer a free 20-minute Care Planning Call, where we’ll listen, talk through what’s happening, and help you find the right care support for your loved one.